Vampire Idol!
by HolliiiCruiser
Summary: The Cullen's have their own version of American Idol! It involves: cross dressing Emmett, Rosalie with a gun, Edward being emotional over Clay Aiken, Mike in a ninja suit, Edward as a horse, Emmett as a cowboy, and so much more!
1. Chapter 1

Bella sat lazily sprawled out on the living room couch. She was automatically flipping through the channels on T.V. Her eyes stared at the screen, but she didn't really comprehend what she was seeing. Her head was cocked toward's the front door, listening for the sound she had been listening for all afternoon. Charlie had left for a fishing trip a half hour ago, so...

A sudden light tap on the door made her leap up from the couch and rush to the door. As she fumbled over the locks, in the back of her mind she barely recognized she hadn't fell. Which was no small feat for her. But then, as a smile spread across her face, she threw the door open and everything she was thinking disappeared as she looked into two golden-topaz eyes.

"Edward!" she exclaimed when she could safely talk again. With one fluid movement he walked (which in his case was more like gliding) into the house closed the door softly behind him, and hastily pulled her into his cold stone arms. She wrapped her arms around his waist ans waited for her heart rate to return to normal, or as normal it could be with Edward in a 25 foot radius. He pulled back to look down into her eyes, her favorite crooked smile started her heart rate up again. "Did you miss me, love?" She could only nod her head yes before he softly kissed her.

Several long minutes later, Bella and Edward were sitting on the couch. Except this time she was on his lap instead of all spread out. The TV was on the same channel that Bella had left it on when she had made the mad dash to the door. Edward reached for the remote and turned the volume up. The opening theme of American Idol came on and Edward groaned. Bella grinned and turned to face him. "What is your problem?"

He raised his eyebrows and gestured towards the screen. "It's all so fake, half the people can't even sing. It the judges say they're good, then they're good."

"But after that America votes on who they like the best."

"No, they vote on who dresses the best and looks hottest." He contradicted her.

"Your just jealous that you can't sing." She leaned her head on his shoulder.

He scoffed," I can sing."

"Prove it."

"I'll sing for you right now if you want." He said as he reached over to brush her cheek.

"It's not enough if you sing for me, you have to sing for everyone."

"Well, if I sing, you have to sing to, and you know Alice will want to, and Emmett, and Jasper..."

"So, we will have our own little American Idol. Except I will not be singing."

"Silly Bella, of course you will."

So Bella and Edward headed for his house to start what could be the best thing that had ever happened to American Idol since Clay Aiken. (I love Clay Aiken!!!!!!!!)


	2. Let The Games Begin

o the battle of the hott sexy vampires (and one very pretty human, even though I am not like that) begins! The last one standing will be the greatest vampire ever! MWAHAHAHAHAHHAH!

Edward immediately called Alice and commanded her to do her thing and set up a stage. Then Emmett set off to complete a super secret agent mission. But from now on we must call him Double O 67 because all agents have to have a number and that is how many Vaults I have had today! Lol, just joking. But then Edward felt left out so Bella dubbed him Double O Sexy.

Edward and Bella rushed to the house and stared in awe at what Alice had accomplished in like 10 minutes. The whole house was covered with posters of past American Idols. The biggest of them all was on the stage and it was Clay Aiken.

Bella looked sideways at Edward, " What's with the Clay Aiken poster?"

Edward grew very uncomfortable, "Do you have something against Clay Aiken?"

Just then Esme called out, "Edward, your Claymate shirt is hanging up in the laundry room!" Bella fell down from laughing so hard. Edward glared at her.

"Mom, you must mean Alice's Claymate shirt right?"

"No, I remember you were so excited when you got it."

"Shut up mom! I hate you! You smell like french fry grease!" He yelled.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen don't make me get the paddle out!!"

His eyes bugged out of his head. "No, mommy, no! I love you!"

"That's what I thought." She called out.

"I like Clay Aiken, chill out okay. Since when did you have that ginormous vein popping out you're big beautiful bronze head?" She poked it. "That is seriously disgusting."

He pulled out a mask and put it on looking very much sexier than the phantom of the opera. It covered his vein."There, are you happy now?" But Bella couldn't answer because one of her deepest fantasies was to date a man wearing a mask.

Alice busted in. "Where's Emmett so we can get this started?"

Edward pulled out a walkie talkie. "Double O Sexy to Double O 67. Has the Eagle landed?"

All of the sudden a huge whole was busted through the ceiling and Emmett flew in holding a very large sack. "The sparrow is in the tree!"

"Finally! We can start!" Bella said. "What's in the bag?"

Edward grinned, " Just something I had Emmett pick up for you." He whipped open the bag and whipped out a very frightened looking Ryan Seacrest gagged with a sock.

"O! Edward! You committed a felony for me?" She jumped into his arms and he dropped Ryan who tried to escape but Alice caught him and rushed him upstairs for a makeover because apparently he had wet his pants. The premiere of vampire Idol was delayed for and hour due to explicit conduct on behalf of Edward and Bella, which I won't post cuz I don't want some sicko perv getting his kicks from it.

WILL VAMPIRE IDOL EVER PREMIERE? Will Edward and Bella ever stop making out? Will I ever stop asking questions? Will I ever come down from my vault high? You'll have to wait to find out! O and soory if this was really retarded its just I am so hyper!!


	3. Bath Time!

**Ok, just to start out. This chapter is not good at all, in fact it sucks. But I will post another one later that is hopefully better! **

The stage is set. The lights are down. The crowd (well, if you call Esme, Carlisle, and Jacob Black a crowd) was waiting. This night would change the lives of our 6 finalists forever! Ladies, please keep your pants firmly on! Because these hotties might provoke that! Get ready for…

_Da da da!! Vampire Idol! _Wow, really big text! Sorry about that.

Okay, the scene is: Alice is holding a really scared and freaked out Ryan Seacrest by a leash and cheerfully waving at the "crowd". The only one who waves back is Esme, Carlisle just nods his head, and Jacob Black just sticks his tongue out at her. She flips him off. **(A/N: LOL, I have always wanted Alice to give someone the finger!) **

Bella peeked from behind the curtain which was just sheets hanging from the ceiling. Then Rosalie yanked her towards the bathroom. Edward laughed. At least he didn't have to sit through that. Or so he thought. Just then Alice yanked him into the bathroom were Bella sat bent over the tub because Rosalie was scrubbing her hair. Alice bent him over and he grinned at Bella.

"Hey There Gorgeous!" She grinned back at him.

"So," He went on, " what song are you going to sing?"

"Nope, it's a surprise!"

"Please?" He did that eye thing at her and got a squirt of shampoo in his eye. "Alice! You got shampoo on my Clay Aiken shirt!! Gawd, it just got washed too!"

Bella laughed as he went into a long string of cuss words.

"That's what you get. Nosy Mc.Nosiness."


	4. Shotgun Robin Hood

**_ Hope you guys like this one! Lots of Love! Holli-Loves-Edward!_**

After Edward had washed the shampoo out of his eyes he then went out to pick a song. His choices were:

_1. _Bringing Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake. Because, he wasn't trying to brag, he was just stating the obvious, he had obviously brought sexy back a _long_ time ago.

_2. _Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls. Because if he dedicated it to Bella, he would earn major brownie points. He was gonna get some tonight!!

_3. _Mama Said Knock You Out by LL Cool J. Because he knew all the words and was more crunk than Lil John. _Whhhaaattt? _ That's right Lil John, I said it. Meet me in the mall, you're going down!!!!!!!

And the last choice was:

4. My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion. Because he was a sucker for _Titanic_He sort of had a tiny man crush on Leo Dicaprio. (SHH! Don't tell Bella!)

He grinned when he had finally made his choice and slipped into his Converse. He headed towards the stage, eagerly waiting for Bella to join him. He quickly closed the gap between them when he saw that she was already there. She was wearing a red dress and red Mary Jane heels. She scowled at him and said, "I can't believe you are making me do this!"

He touched her nose. "I am not _making_ you do anything. I just said that, if you didn't, I would personally see to it that you will not watch _Robin Hood_ for the rest of the season." **(A/N: I really love that show, and I REALLY wanna see what happens!)**

"It's really the same thing though."

"Only if your whole life revolves around something as stupid as a T.V. show." He looked at her.

"Edward," she looked up at him, trying to do his eye thing. It worked. "My whole life revolves around one thing. And he is most certaintly not named Sir Robin Hood of Lockseley. He's just a close second." She leaned close to him and pressed up against him.

He leaned down and kissed her, nudging her with his nose. "Well, maybe, you don't have to sing, love."

She grinned and whispered into his ear, "Really?"

He suddenly pulled back. "No, kudos for trying though." He laughed at her expression and had to sit down when she hit him and stalked off.

"At least my whole life doesn't revolve around trying to make my hair lay flat!" She yelled back at him and took solace as she saw him hurriedly smooth his hair down and run into the bathroom. Stupid, superficial, gorgeous, sweat inducing, fine piece of meat hunk, vampire.

Then the music started and she sat down next to Alice. Only seconds later Edward was beside her. He slid his arm around her and kissed her ears.

Rosalie came out and started her song. It was _Don't Ya!_ By the Pussycat Dolls. Emmett was mesmerized, Esme about died, Carlisle was busy picking at his shirt, Alice and Bella were laughing, but Edward was to bust kissing up and down Bella's neck to notice. That was until Rosalie came over and beat him upside the head with the microphone stand.

"OWWWW! What was that for?"

She got in his face. "LISTEN TO ME!" Then she grinned and sprinted back up the stage.

He whispered, "Well, maybe I would if you didn't sound like a dying cat."

He shot up and ran outside followed by a very crazed looking Rosalie carrying a shotgun.


	5. America Votes

So, after the sticky situation between Edward, Rosalie, and the shotgun had been resolved; it was Edward's turn. He spun to face Bella and grinned.

"Are you ready?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

"Of course!" he replied, smiling slyly.

"What do you have up your sleeve?"

He faked innocence and lifted up his arms, looking inside. "Nothing! See?" She giggled.

She said, "Well, good luck, I know you don't need it but…" He pulled her to him and held her so tight her ribs ached. Seeing the pained expression on her face, he loosened his grip.

"Sorry," he muttered, fiercely looking into her eyes.

She couldn't breathe and it had nothing to do with her throbbing ribs. His eyes still burned into hers. And suddenly he vanished. She frantically looked around and relaxed when she saw him on stage. He caught her eye and waved. She took a deep breath and took a seat in between Emmett and Alice.

The lights went down and smoke blew out the fog machine. A spotlight singled out Edward in the middle. Beside her Emmett snorted, she looked over questioningly at him.

"Jeez, Bella! Where did the spotlight and fog machine come from?" He shook his head and laughed, " How cheesy can you get?"

Bella was about to protest when a shadow loomed over them. They looked up, Edward stood there with his arms crossed and an angry look on his god-like face.

"Emmett, if you are done distracting Bella, I have a song I would like her to hear." Bella blushed, and Edward ran brushed her hair back. Then he darted to the stage. With a nod to Jasper the song started. Edward stood there, staring at nothing but Bella, and started to sing.

"When I see your smile, tears run down my face, I can't replace. And now that I'm stronger I've figured out, how this world turns cold and breaks through my soul, and I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one.

I will never let you fall, I'll stand up with you forever…"

Bella felt the tears well up in her eyes , and this time they weren't from anger. Edward was singing just for her. He smiled at her and she smiled back, her heart pounding.

But the moment was ruined by all the lights turning off in the blink of an eye. Several very long seconds passed, then the lights flashed back on.

Edward stood shaking his head slowly back and forth, staring at a very disturbing image.

Emmett was standing, hip cocked to the left. Bella hadn't even noticed he had left his seat beside her. Probably because she was so wrapped up in Edward's performance. Emmett was wearing a skin tight, sparkly, red, strapless dress. He had on heels and dangly earrings. He snapped his fingers and the music started, a completely different song than Edward's.

"It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen! I'm gonna go out to run and let myself get Absolutely soaking wet! It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! It's Raining Men! Every Specimen! Tall, blonde, dark and lean Rough and tough and strong and mean."

Emmett started dancing and tried to get Edward to join him. But Edward just threw his hands up in the air and came to sit by Bella.

"Well," he said, pulling her up on his lap," There goes that."

She leaned closer to him and said," Edward, America had voted, and you rock socks." He grinned and reached for a kiss.

So, maybe Vampire Idol isn't such a good idea when the contestants are a jealous grouchy vampire, a cross dressing vampire, and a vampire who loves Clay Aiken and his girlfriend.

Bella grinned and laughed.

Edward looked at her, "What?"

She giggled, "I win."

"Huh?"

"I win, I didn't have to sing!"

He smiled, "The games not over yet."

**Hey Everyone! Hope you like it! Review and tell me if you would like to hear more, or if I should just stop now.**


	6. The All Knowing Jacob Black

**I have big plans for the last few chapters of this people! So stay tuned!**

**Mike's POV!**

I had watched the whole fiasco from afar, very very very very afar to be exact. Good thing I secretly had those cameras installed in the Cullen's mansion when they "moved to L.A." L.A. my scarily pale backside! They didn't even have a tan when they came back. That excuse was about as lame as Edward's, or as I liked to refer to him: the mop-headed one, attempted love song and that made it pretty darn lame. "I will never let you fall." Pur-lease! Then my awesome evil genius really big brain kicked into high gear. This had potential, Bella will be mine and I will further more be known as the sexiest man in Forks potential.

**Narrorator's**** POV!**

Jacob Black had taken the stage why little stalker creepy man Mike planned out his sure to be disturbing escapade. Bella was laughing hysterically at his chosen song, Edward however was not.

_"Dark in the city, night is a wire__Steam in the subway, earth is a fire_

_Do-do do __do__, do __do__do__, do __do__do__, do __do__do__, do __do__W_

_oman you want me, give me a sign__And catch my breathing even closer behind_

_Do-do do __do__, do __do__do__, do __do__do__, do __do__do__, do __do__In touch with the ground__Im__ on the hunt __Im__ after you_

_Smell like I sound, __Im__ lost in a crowd__And __Im__ hungry like the wolf_

_Straddle the line, in discord and rhyme__Im__ on the hunt __Im__ after you__Mouth is alive with juices like wine__And __Im__ hungry like the wolf_

_Stalked in the forest, too close to hide__Ill__ be upon you by the moonlight side_

_Do-do do __do__, do __do__do__, do __do__do__, do __do__do__, do __do__High blood drumming __ony__ our skin __its__ so tight_

_Y__ou feel my heart, __Im__ just a moment behind_

_Do-do do __do__, do __do__do__, do __do__do__, do __do__do__, do __do__In touch with the ground__Im__ on the hunt __Im__ after you_

_Scent and a sound, __Im__ lost and __Im__ found__And __Im__ hungry like the wolf_

_Strut on a line, its discord and rhyme__I howl and I whine __Im__ after you_

_Mouth is alive all running inside__And __Im__ hungry like the wolf__-__(hungry like the wolf__Hungry like the wolf__Hungry like the wolf)_

_Burning the ground I break from the crowd __Im__ on the hunt __Im__ after you __I smell like I sound, __Im__ lost and __Im__ found__And __Im__ hungry like the wolf_

_Strut on a line, its discord and rhyme__Im__ on the hunt __Im__ after you_

_Mouth is alive with juices like wine__And __Im__ hungry like the wolf_

_Burning the ground I break from the crowd__Im__ on the hunt __Im__ after you_

_Scent and a sound, __Im__ lost and __Im__ found__And __Im__ hungry like the wolf_

_Strut on a line, its discord and rhyme__I howl and I whine __Im__ after you_

_Mouth is alive all running inside__And __Im__ hungry like the wolf..."_

With one final hip thrust his song ended, and he "magically" appeared in front of Bella, who got an unexpected and mentally scarring image she could have gone her whole life without seeing. Edward then took it upon himself to tie Jacob to the abandoned doghouse in the backyard with extra strong chain.

"Werewolf your furry ass out of that one, hip boy!" He snarled as he slammed the door in Jacob's face.

"Oh come on! Don't I even get a bowl of water?" His demand was met by Edward turning the hose on him. "Not my hair! Do you know how long it takes to straighten this crap every morning?"

"Longer than it takes to tell everyone your gay, I'm sure." Emmett called from inside the doghouse.

"What are you doing?" A very offended Jacob asked he was offended about the gay crack… not the fact that Emmett had stolen his doghouse.

"Well, Carlisle said that I couldn't have a dog, because I'd probably just get hungry, or bored, and eat him. But sometimes I like to come out here and pretend I have one."

"So Rosalie kicked you out, huh?"

"Dangit, I thought for sure the dog thing would get you, you know, given your current circumstance." He flicked his eyes back and forth between the doghouse and the chain around Jacob's neck.

"What did you do?" Jacob said pulling a pair of therapist type glasses out of his pocket and folding his hands together. "You can tell me, it won't leave the doghouse."

"I told her that she was too mean to be in the Pussycat Dolls. And I said that she'd probably get kicked out for thinking she was prettier than everyone else." He shook his head sadly.

"Bad move."

"You're telling me, no! Wait, why am I taking advice from you? You couldn't even get Bella when she was emotionally retarded." A faint "Shut your mouth, Emmett!" could be heard from Edward.

"I was this close, big guy. This close!" He whispered, holding his thumb and pointer finger an inch apart.

"I just want you to know mate, I was rooting for you."

"Really?"

"Huh? What were we talking about? I was just quoting Pirates of the Caribbean. Isn't Jack Sparrow the man?"

Jacob Black solemnly shook his shaggy head. "You are so right."'

Emmett's enlightening session with Dr. Black was ended by a high pitched scream that suspiciously sounded like it came from Edward, resounding from the house.

"Well, there's my cue. Maybe if you're lucky I can sneak you out a bone tonight." Emmett said, giving Jacob a pat on the head before darting out of the strangely large and comfy doghouse. Jacob scrambled out also.

"I thought what we had was real Emmett! Our bond cannot be broken by time or your clinically insane brother bent on killing me! You'll come running back, they always do." He shook his fist at Emmett's retreating back.

"You are so gay!" Emmett yelled back, before leaving Jacob to struggle with his sexuality.


	7. Ninja VS Cowboy

Mike Newton carefully crept to the edge of the trees by the Cullen's house. He used his super awesome spy binoculars to make sure the coast was clear. Then, taking a deep breath, he began to hum the Mission: Impossible theme song. He pulled his ninja mask over his eyes and smiled.

"Da Da Duh. Da Da Duh." He said rolling his way across the yard. "Da Da Da Da Da Da." Now it didn't even remotely sound like the song, he was just making it up as he went.

**Meanwhile in the Cullen house!**

Alice, who just a moment before had been calmly fixing Bella's hair, now fell to the ground laughing at something that the rest of them didn't get.

"Emmett, go outside and ask Mike Newton why he is rolling around our yard in a ninja outfit." Emmett, who harbored an unnatural hatred for ninjas, gladly complied. He picked up his cowboy hat and plastic pistol popgun as he went, because everyone knows the cowboy is the ninja's mortal enemy, or is that one just Emmett?

"Edward! Come be my noble steed!" He said whipping a saddle out of thin air.

"No, Emmett. I said that was a onetime deal." The chatter behind him immediately stopped. The sound of crickets could be heard. He sheepishly grinned at Bella. "Honey, when you get bored at three in the morning, you'll understand." Bella just shook her head.

"Edward! I need my noble steed if I'm going to save our ladies from the evil ninja!"

"Emmett, it's just Mike Newton. He's not really a ninja." As soon as the words left his mouth, a ninja star (those are those things that are sharp and people always throw them at each other in ninja movies) hit him in the face. "Oh my god! That smarts! That ninja SOB is going down!" He nodded at Emmett.

"SWEET!" He said as he threw the saddle over Edward and leaped on. Edward immediately "galloped" off, if you can call galloping scrambling around on your hands and knees, and let out a very life like neigh.

**Mike's POV!**

Just when I thought I was out of the red zone, Emmett Cullen came busting out of the house riding… WTF? Was that Edward? Where was my camera when I needed it! I hurriedly rolled into ninja fighting position and pulled out the numchucks **(A/N: Is that what those ****spinny**** things are called?)** I had picked up at the dollar store on my way here. Because no ninja operation was complete without numchucks. Spinning them around in what I hoped looked like I knew what I was doing, I screamed Ninja nonsense at them.

"yo quito taco bell?" I topped it off with a very convincing war cry. "AY AYA AY AYA YA!" Oscars, here I come!

**Edward's POV!**

Oh my dear Bella! If only you could see this fruitcake now. I shook my head, laughing at how ridiculous he looked, when I realized that Emmett was riding me like a horse, and I didn't have room to talk.

**Narrators' POV!**

Emmett had leapt off of Edward's back and was now taking careful aim with his popgun. Mike had apparently drained all his energy out rolling around and screaming, so he just stood there, waiting for the end. Then, with one faint pop from Emmett's gun, he fell. Actually he fell in slow motion, then wriggled around on the ground dramatically until Edward, still on his knees, came over.

"HEE HAW!" He screamed as he kicked him in the side.

"Edward! You're a horse, not a donkey! This isn't Shrek!" Emmett yelled.

"Donkey is so much cooler than regular horses though!" He shot back as Emmett threw the limp body of Mike Newton on his back. Then they made their way back to the house, ready to hear someone else sing.


	8. The Mike of the Opera!

**Disclaimer: GASPS! dramatic pause I actually am going to put on in! I never do… but, back to the point, I don't own Twilight/New Moon/ or Edward. But I do have dibs on his saddle, and Mike's ninja suit. I'm willing to part with the last one though, anyone interested?**

**Edward's Point of View!**

This was just plain ridiculous. First, Emmett makes me be his horse, (which I'll have to admit was more fun than I had originally anticipated) then I have to carry Mike's rotting carcass back to the house. Perhaps I was being a little dramatic; Bella tells me I tend to lean towards it. But his carcass did smell like it was rotting, even if he was only unconscious.

Emmett, of course having to make an entrance, kicked the door in like we were in some bad Jackie Chan movie. The meticulously painted by Esme double doors shot back through the foyer and hit the stairs, cracking the antique banister in several places. Instantly, Esme was in front of Emmett, her hands on her hips, and she was ready to dole out some punishment. I carefully sat Mike down in the living room on the vacant couch. Actually, I threw him in the corner that no one ever dusts, same deal really.

"Emmett! What, may I ask, do you think you are doing?" As quick as a flash, the rest of my family had gathered around, ready for a scene. Interesting how the front door could be blown off and no one could even pull their selves away from Inuyasha reruns, but Esme barely raised her voice and there was a crowd like this was Fight Club.

"Edward pushed me into the doors." This lie came off so smooth I almost believed him myself. I knew I was in for a walloping, figuratively of course, before she had even turned to me, courtesy of her thoughts. She squared her shoulder, took a deep breath, and I prepared for impact by squeezing my eyes shut.

_"__You have come here, in pursuit of your deepest urge, in pursuit of that wish, which till now has been silent, silent . . ."_

"Err, come again?" Why would Esme sing to me about urges and wishes? Was this some sort of reverse psychology?

_"I have brought you, that our passions may fuse and merge -in your mind you've already succumbed to me dropped all defenses, completely succumbed to me -now you are here with me: no second thoughts, you've decided, decided . . ." _ I am so confused.

"Esme, I'm not sure Carlisle would be comfortable with you singing that to me."

"Edward, you dork, open your eyes and look at the "stage."" Emmett thought at me. Slowly opening my eyes, I saw that it wasn't Esme who had been singing. It was Mike, and he wasn't singing to me, he was singing to Bella. A ferocious growl ripped from my throat.

_"__Past the point of no return -no backward glances: the games we've played till now are at an end . . . Past __all thought __of "if" or "when"__ -no use resisting: abandon thought, and let the dream __descend . . .__"_ He pulled a paper mask out of some secret pocket of his ninja suit, and placed it on his head. He looked like some ugly cross between the Mask and Cary Elwes in Princess Bride. It was not a pleasant sight.

**Mike's Point of View!**

At last! The time for my evil plan has come! As soon as the Cullen laid me down in the corner, I knew it was only a matter of time before I could unleash my diabolical fabulous self. By the way, someone really needed to dust over here, a cobweb is stuck to my ninja suit. I'll deal with that later. Now I had to sing my little heart out!

_"You have come here in pursuit of your deepest urge, in pursuit of that wish, which till now has been silent, silent . . ."_ The mask was a nice touch, if I do say so myself. Bella looked like she was in awe of my performance abilities, either that, or she was constipated. Let's go with the first one.

**Bella's Point of View!**

Did Mike actually think this would win me over? I mean great choice of song. But even if I hadn't been totally in love with Edward, the mask ruined all the potential. Only the Phantom could pull off the mask. And perhaps Edward… must pick up a mask for him the next time Alice makes me go shopping with her. And still he went on!

**Edward's Point of View!**

"_What raging fire shall flood the soul? What rich desire unlocks its door? What sweet seduction lies before __us . . .?__"_ The hell if there was going to be sweet seductions with me in the room! Actually, there wouldn't be any even if I wasn't in the room. This had to end…

_"__Past the point of no return, the final threshold -what warm, __unspo__ken secrets will we learn? Beyond the point __of no return . . .__"_

"Edward! Stop him now! The girl part is next!" Bella yelled at me, and she would know. She watches this movie every five minutes! Just as Mike opened his mouth to let out what was sure to be a terrifying soprano tone, Esme had grabbed him and shoved him into a closet, which effectively muffled all sound. Everyone turned to her questioningly.

"He was butchering that song, the Phantom can't be duplicated."

"Amen, sister! The Phantom is one in a million." Bella yelled, blushing as I turned to glare at her.

"It's the mask, Edward! I can't resist the mask! It's like a mask of sexiness!" She went on. I think that was supposed to make me feel better…. Needless to say, it didn't.

**Hope you liked! Esme and Bella are so right… the Phantom is awesome. As long as he keeps the mask on, without the mask, he's just like Mike. But with a sexier voice, most likely, as I have never heard Mike ****sing****, but I'm assuming.**


	9. bella sings ya, about that

**Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own it. Yeppers, still own the saddle, ninja suit, and now the paper mask.**

How dare they lock me in the closet! Didn't they know talent when they saw it? Obviously Edward felt threatened by my excellent performance. Who wouldn't? One day, they would all tremble when they heard the name Mike Newton! But as for right now, I needed backup. Pulling out my walkie-talkie (it was unreal how many secret pockets this suit had!) I took drastic measures. Dialing a secret ninja number, I immediately felt better.

"Super Secret Ninjas Unite!" MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Note to self: Work on evil laugh.

**Edward's Point of View!**

I was about two seconds from calling this whole thing off, then Bella stepped forward.

"Edward, I think I'm ready to sing!"

"Yes! Finally!" Then, I surprised everyone by doing my happy dance in front of them. Usually, I kept it for myself, but this was a special occasion. My happy dance was made up of:

1. The Moonwalk

2. The "We're All In This Together" choreography from High School Musical

3. The John Travolta move from Saturday Night Fever

4. And finally, some hip thrusts. I think it's a nice way to wrap things up.

Once I had finished, I looked up. I was expecting a round of applause, or an awed silence. Maybe Mike Newton was right about them not recognizing talent when they saw it. But all I got was weird looks, but then my dear Bella pulled through for me.

"WOW! WOO AND HOO, EDWARD!" I beamed at her; she was the one I really cared about anyway. I went over to her, scooping her up in my arms, and placed her on the stage.

"Are you ready? Got your song picked out?" She nodded her head, and suddenly she looked a little green. "Calm down, Bella! I'm sure you'll be great!" And I was. I stepped back, and she nodded her head at Alice, who started the music. I didn't recognize it. She opened her mouth to sing, and I leaned forward expectantly.

"Never fear! The Super Secret Ninja's are here!" I whipped around to find Tyler Crowley and Eric standing in my living room, and they were wearing ninja suits just like Mike's. I was going to kill them, and I'm pretty sure I meant for real.

**LOL, and I bet you thought Bella was going to sing! This will probably be the last time I update for awhile... cuz I'm going to my daddy's and I'll be really busy... hope you liked!**


	10. The Final Countdown

**Disclaimer: Just because I yell dibs out whenever I see Twilight or anything Twilight-related, doesn't mean I automatically own it, even if I technically should. (But when you're in the town of Princeton, I own Daniel Radcliffe! Long story involving me, Harry Potter and the Order and the Phoenix and old people who have no sense of fun, if you wanna hear it, just PM me.) **

**Author's Note: This is the final chapter! Yes, yes, cry your eyes out! I didn't want to draw it out… and that seems like what I've been doing the last couple of chapters. So read on for the exciting conclusion!**

**Mike's POV!**

I loud shout, followed by a louder growl, alerted me that my ninjas had arrived! Yes, revenge is so sweet! Almost like Honey Nut Chex Mix, only you can't really eat revenge… I readied myself for what was sure to be a fight. Then the door flew back off its hinges, and I leaped out to avenge my lost dignity.

**Edward's POV!**

This is the last straw. I've dealt with Mike, Tyler, and Eric for far too long. This was ending tonight, one way or another. I crouched down, and saw Emmett and Jasper do the same behind me. Mike, dusting off his ninja suit, hid behind Tyler and Eric, who were slowly backing towards the front door. Just as I was about to leap towards them, Eric held up his hand and began to talk.

"Let's settle this like civilized adults. There's only one way to end this maturely, and with at least a bit of our manhood attached. Edward Cullen, I challenge you to a dance off!" Rosalie, Alice, and Bella gasped, and when we looked over at them, we realized that they weren't even paying attention. They were watching Grey's Anatomy on our TiVo. I cleared my throat and they immediately focused back on us. This would be all too easy.

"Eric, I accept." DA DA DUN! The Ninja dorks ripped off their suits, revealing matching dance uniforms underneath. How did they plan this stuff? Must be the product of a slow social life and no girlfriend. Jasper, Emmett, and I; getting caught up in the moment and all the testosterone in the room, ripped off our shirts, only to realize that we didn't have matching uniforms. The affect was greatly appreciated by the girls, and a grinning Jacob Black peeking in the window.

**Bella's POV!**

This was getting really out of hand. This had to stop now. Drastic times called for drastic measures. Just as Mike was going to begin what was sure to be a sad and hilarious routine. I hopped up on the stage and began to sing. Alice, being the future see-er that she was, had already had my song playing.

_"If I could grant you one wish _

_I wish you could see the way you kiss_

_I love watching you baby_

_When you're making me crazy"_

Edward, looking dazed, walked up so that he was directly in front of me and just stared. Like he'd never seen someone sing before. Behind him, to my amazement, everyone else followed.

_I love the way you love the way you love me_

_(The way that you laugh and breathe and smile_

_When you touch me, drive me wild)_

_There's nowhere else I'd rather be_

_To feel the way I feel with your arms around me_

_(I melt and spin and fall again)_

_I only wish you could see the way you love me (love me)_

_Whoa, oh __oh__, the way you love me_

_It's not right, it's not fair_

_What you're missing over there_

_Someday I'll find a way to show you_

_Just how lucky I am to know you_

_I love the way you love the way you love me_

_(The way that you laugh and breathe and smile_

_When you touch me, drive me wild)_

_There's nowhere else I'd rather be_

_To feel the way I feel with your arms around me_

_(I melt and spin and fall again)_

_I only wish you could see the way you love me (love me)_

_Whoa, oh __oh__, the way you love me_

_You__;re__ the million reasons why_

_There's the love reflecting in my eyes_

_I love the way you love the way you love me_

_(The way that you laugh and breathe and smile_

_When you touch me, drive me wild)_

_There's nowhere else I'd rather be_

_To feel the way I feel with your arms around me_

_(I melt and spin and fall again)_

_I only wish you could see the way you love me (love me)_

_Whoa, oh __oh__, the way you love me_

_The way love me (love me)_

_Whoa oh __oh__, the way you love me__"_

I finished, took a deep breath, and walked down the stairs of the stage. Edward rushed out to meet me and almost roughly kissed me on the lips. When he pulled back, I smiled up at him.

"Was I good?"

He leaned down and whispered in my ear. "You so win."

**The slightly not good ending!!! **


End file.
